Not being able to forget a previous unlawful relationship
QUESTION:
I broke up with a man who was very abusive and often saying me to do adultery and fornication. By the grace of allah, i broke up with him and repented sincerely, now after one year those feelings are coming back. How can i get over this. Its really hurting me as i am planning to do marriage next year and having the first man in mind i am not able to move on it will affect my marriage as i am not able to forget that person. How can i get red of this?
ANSWER:
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Firstly sister, we commend your courage and bravery and pray that Allah keeps you resolute on the path of guidance. Āmeen.
Our purpose in life is to worship Allah, no matter what the situation or circumstance. Hardships come to every one of us, and are blessings in disguise provided one bears them patiently.
Sheikh Abdul Qādir Jīlānī (may Allah have mercy upon him) once said:
“Oh my son, a difficulty does not come to ruin you, rather to test your patience and belief. Difficulty is the furnace of man, either he comes out as gold or as dirt… and know, that if it were not for difficulties, man would be arrogant and transgress. But Allah saves him from this through the tests and purifies him of his illnesses. Glory be to the One who shows mercy by testing, and tests by showering blessings.” [1]
It is known through experience that one who leaves an unlawful act for the sake of Allah, Allah will grant that individual the very same but through permissible means. If you are to sacrifice this and go to that which Allah wants, surely your emotions will fade and Allah will grant you happiness in your marriage.
The Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) related to us:
“Paradise is surrounded by hardships, and the Fire is surrounded by desires.” [2]
Yet the continuous struggle against these desires is where we are tested. For he who suppresses his desires for the sake of Allah Ta’āla, is without a doubt compensated in full by the Almighty.
As for advice regarding how to get rid of these feelings, you should understand that all feelings start off as mere thoughts. At this stage, if you fight off the thought, it will not grow further to bother you. However, if you let the thought sit in your head, eventually it will get stronger and become more difficult to tackle.
Practically, our Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) has prescribed a practice for one who constantly finds himself/herself distracted by these thoughts. Thus, when these thoughts come, one is to recite the Ta’awwudh:
أَعُوذُ بِاللّٰهِ مِنَ الشَّيطَانِ الرَّجِيم
and lightly spit on one’s left-hand side without discharging any saliva. [3]
You must also keep in mind that the person you choose to be your husband, will be your life partner, the father of your children and a source of peace and tranquillity for yourself. [4] These are the long term prospects one must consider when choosing a suitable spouse.
Our Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) gave us guidance with regards to this, that one who neglects the quality of piety in their spouse is disgraced. [5]
Keeping this in mind, it is very important that you make the practice of performing at least 2 rak’at of Tahajjud daily; either before you retire to bed at night or if you are able to wake up, then in the last portion of the night.
To conclude, we advise you to stay steadfast upon the path of piety you are treading. Be strong and fight off the temptations of the devil. Allah will ease your situation as no hardship remains forever.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Hanif Yusuf
References
[1]
[al-Ādāb al-Shar'iyyah li ibn Maflah: Mu'assasah al-Risālah: 2:182]
[2]
[Tirmidhī: 2559]
[3]
[Mishkāt al-Masābīh: 77]
[4]
[al-Qur'ān: 30:21]
[5]
[Bukhārī: 5090]
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Posted in Nikah & Talaq (Marriage & Divorce)Miscelleaneous on 11th Dec 2021 by Our Imam | 671 Views
