How to deal with marital issues and separation
QUESTION:
I have been married for 18 years and I keep having the same argument with my husband and I’m tired. He says he will change but he won’t, when he is asked questions he doesn’t ever give a straight answer and due to these reasons I cannot trust him.
I have tried in my marriage but I don’t see it working. What is the process of separation?
ANSWER:
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Firstly, it is vital that you attempt to openly discuss the motives behind your husband’s behaviour. More often than not, it is this process of honesty and open discussion which allows spouses to overcome any obstacles they may face in their relationship. It is also important that both spouses, when attempting to discuss any problems, adopt a non-judgemental and empathetic attitude.
If you have attempted this and there has been no beneficial outcome, then one may attempt to put forward the issue to a third party, as the Holy Qur’ān instructs us:
وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ شِقَاقَ بَيْنِهِمَا فَابْعَثُوا حَكَمًا مِّنْ أَهْلِهِ وَحَكَمًا مِّنْ أَهْلِهَا إِن يُرِيدَا إِصْلَاحًا يُوَفِّقِ اللَّهُ بَيْنَهُمَا ۗ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيمًا خَبِيرًا
“If you [believers] fear that a couple may break up, appoint one arbiter from his family and one from hers. Then, if the couple want to put things right, Allah will bring about a reconciliation between them. He is all Knowing, all Aware.” [1]
Indeed, it is at such times that we are reminded who is truly in control. Allah Ta’ālā; the all-Wise, the all-Powerful, has the solution to all our dilemmas. It is only through his permission and will that our troubles are elevated. Thus, it is only correct that we plead and pray to Allah Ta’ālā in the darkness of the night, asking for a way out and a way forward. Surely, Allah Ta’ālā tells us:
یٰأیها الذین ءامنوا استعینوا بالصبر والصلوٰة إن الله مع الصٰبرین
“Oh you who believe, seek help through steadfastness and prayer; for Allah is with the steadfast. [2]
Finally, if one deems it appropriate, they may also consult a marriage counsellor. As for the process of separation, one may consult their local Imām for further information.
We pray that Allah Ta’ālā grants you ease and facilitates a way out of this dilemma. Āmeen.
And Allah Ta’ālā Knows Best
Abdullah Teladia
Concurred by: Hanif Yusuf
References
[1]
al-Qur'ān: 4:35
[2]
al-Qur'ān: 2:153
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Posted in Nikah & Talaq (Marriage & Divorce) on 12th Feb 2022 by Our Imam | 637 Views
