Feeling Unfairly Treated

QUESTION:

is it my fault .
I can not even ask anything my family without getting angry, I ask the former times what religion they had before they became Islam but they think I want to become a Christian or that people told me to leave my religion.
it is not even possible to ask them what has happened.

my father says to my mother I devorced you  all the times when they fight , 4 5 times he said that, they say  bad things to me but their son is perfect wherever he does it is halal for him but not for girls. I want to leave this house
but they want me to be home at 19:00 as i am chid i am 17. i will never ever marriage i i hate marriage. and the one i love has allrady a girfriend. i lost everything. i have allah.
how do i tell theme i wanna move out its not ease the are going to say take of our chlotes evrything you have is ours.
they hurt my feelings

ANSWER:

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Sister in Islam,

We acknowledge your hardships and stress in these times and ask Allah sincerely to ease your affairs.

Allah Ta’ala mentions in the Quran:

وَلَنَبْلُوَنَّكُم بِشَىْءٍ مِّنَ ٱلْخَوْفِ وَٱلْجُوعِ وَنَقْصٍ مِّنَ ٱلْأَمْوَٰلِ وَٱلْأَنفُسِ وَٱلثَّمَرَٰتِ ۗ وَبَشِّرِ ٱلصَّـٰبِرِينَ

Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere (2:155)

A person, in their youth, faces many challenges from biological to financial, from family to social. These are a part of what Allah tests a person with. As the above verse mentions, Allah will test a person in many ways and gives glad tidings to those who bare these tribulations with patience and hope for reward from Allah.

It may well be that, at times, we are unable to appreciate the concerns of our elders and seniors fully and, thus, feel we are treated unfairly[1]. However, the one who maintains family ties for the sake of Allah ﷻ is praised in a hadith of the Prophet ﷺ[2].

مَن تَرَكَ المِراءَ وهو مُحِقٌّ، بَنى اللهُ له بيتًا في رَبَضِ الجَنَّةِ

“I guarantee a house in Jannah for one who gives up arguing, even if he is in the right” (Sunan Abi Dawud)

He ﷺ also mentions:

ليسَ الواصِلُ بالمُكافِئِ، ولَكِنِ الواصِلُ الذي إذا قُطِعَتْ رَحِمُهُ وصَلَها

“The person who perfectly maintains the ties of kinship is not the one who does it because he gets recompensed by his relatives (for being kind and good to them), but the one who truly maintains the bonds of kinship is the one who persists in doing so even though the latter has severed the ties of kinship with him”

Allah ﷻ also mentions in the Quran, “Let them forgive and overlook, do you not wish that Allah should forgive you? And Allah is All-Forgiving All-Merciful.” (24:22)[3].

In situations such as these, a person should try to look for positives and know that, “with every hardship there is ease.” (5:94)[4].

The Prophet ﷺ mentions:

عجبا لأمر المؤمن إن أمره كله له خير، وليس ذلك لأحد إلا للمؤمن‏: ‏ إن أصابته سراء شكر فكان خيراً له، وإن أصابته ضراء صبر فكان خيراً له‏”‏ ‏

“How wonderful is the case of a believer; there is good for him in everything, and this applies only to a believer. If prosperity attends him, he expresses gratitude to Allah and that is good for him; and if adversity befalls him, he endures it patiently and that is better for him”.‏ (Sahih Muslim)

Whenever, some hardship afflicts you then remember the above hadith of the Prophet ﷺ. In all the affairs of a Muslim, whether good or bad, there is goodness.

Below are mentioned some possible steps that can be taken to improve relations with your family and better your life quality:

• Try and avoid those topics that you know will make them angry.
• Try talking to them individually and express how you feel.
• Consult a local scholar to mediate if you feel you cannot handle this by yourself.
• Talk to a family member that you can confide in.
• Contemplate what you are going to say to your family before you say it – so they do not get negative connotations from what you say.
• It may well be that we are unable to appreciate their concerns fully. We should try to understand their concerns, and try to avoid those things that may cause their displeasure. Prophet said:

رِضى الرَّبِّ في رِضى الوالِدِ، وسَخَطُ الرَّبِّ في سَخَطِ الوالِدِ

“Allah’s pleasure results from the parent’s pleasure, and Allah’s displeasure results from the parent’s displeasure.“ (Sunan ‘t-Tirmidhi)

May Allah ﷻ ease your affairs and lighten your burden. Ameen.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Luqmaan Mohamed

Concurred by: Hanif Yusuf

Posted in Aadaab (Ettiquettes & Manners)Social Conduct on 13th Nov 2021 by Our Imam | 794 Views