Am I allowed to move to a university campus to be away from my abusive parents?

QUESTION:

Al-Salam 3alaykom. I am a 20-year-old female living in Australia, and I am Muslim Alhamdulillah. For as long as I can remember, I have dealt with abuse from my parents, mainly from my mother. Since I can remember, she has spoken down on me, told me that she hates me and wishes I were dead and has beaten me up on many occasions to the point where I’ve had blood drawn from me, I’ve been left covered in bruises and I’ve fainted before. I have fallen severely ill every single time, and my body has become weaker and weaker each time. This abuse has only grown stronger the last couple of years, and I’ve had many responsibilities on my shoulders with little to no rights in the house.
I’ve been told to stop studying and work (because it is haram- despite both my earning and my studies being halal), and I’ve been denied talking to friends or even seeing them. Everything I do, say, wear or decide is belittled, and I cannot make decisions for myself. Two years ago, at university, a brother approached me asking me if it was okay to take my parent’s number from me because he has seen me around in class and that I was very respectful with the way I dress and how I carry myself. I saw nothing wrong with the encounter and gave it to him with the impression that he was interested in getting to know me in a halal way and would get his parents involved. I had also seen him around class, and he seemed like he was a righteous person, well-mannered and always left class to fulfil his prayers on time as I did.

When I informed my parents of this, they were outraged and said what I did was haram and demanded I never see him again and that when his parents did call, they would be refused to see me. I asked why and they just kept saying that it was haram and that neither of us was ready for marriage (despite not having met the guy). Despite this, they did as they said, and following that incident, my mum has only grown more resentful and angrier towards me. She has called me every foul name, called me a ‘slut’, and many more things along those lines. My father isn’t any better and has participated in all this behaviour and never had my back despite how horrifying it all is.

Recently, another brother was asking around to get to know a girl for marriage, and he happened to ask my grandfather, who asked my mum if I’d be interested. Since then, my studies have increased; I’ve been doing all housework and cooking at home because my parents work, babysitting all my younger cousins and siblings, and helping with their work. I also wasn’t interested in getting to know someone from another country I couldn’t communicate with, someone about 15 years older than me who wanted to get married and have kids immediately because of his increasing age. My mum continued to call me a slut after refusing, said that I was dramatic and that she would force me to marry him even if I refused to. She accused me of entertaining men and that it was the reason for my refusal. She has not stopped calling me names, hitting me, calling my aunties and her friends and my grandparents talking very ill of me to the point where they are also talking about me to people they know.

I’ve tried going to my grandparent’s house or someone else from my family, but I feel like a burden to them. I’ve tried keeping my distance from my mother and even a litte from my father without being disrespectful and still doing as I’m told, but it isn’t helping. I’ve prayed, spoken to the family to try to support it as well, but it has gotten to the point where I’ve been considering self-harm and suicide to escape from them as soon as I can. I’ve wanted to kill myself on several occasions and I feel helpless. I can’t keep getting abused physically and mentally and have my parents call it okay because they are my parents, and they have a right over me. It isn’t fair. I’ve been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and PTSD from all the times I have been beaten up. Recently I found out that my university has dwellings for females only right on campus. Would it be haram to move there considering they are all females and all the abuse I’m getting with no help from anyone, which has impacted my physical and mental health?

ANSWER:

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Dear sister, we are very sorry to hear what you have been through. It is under the weight of mountains that diamonds are made. This world is a test and each person has his/her own predicaments and challenges. No matter how trivial or significant the trouble, Allah hears the voice of the innocent and the invocations of the afflicted. He sees the pained heart of the heart broken and the tears of the saddened. Hence, after every sadness, there will be happiness. Allah says in the Holy Qur’ān:

فَإِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا
“Indeed, along with every hardship, there is relief. Indeed, along with every hardship, there is relief.” [94:5]

Eating comes after hunger, drinking comes after thirst, sleep follows restlessness and health follows sickness. The lost find their way, the one in difficulty finds relief and the day follows the night.

We advise you to:

• Call out to Allah and supplicate to him, for indeed, he controls all the doors of assistance and hope.
• Seek professional help as you will require a support structure to help you deal with your predicament.
• Search for a long-term practical solution than to move to the university accommodation. [1]

May the Almighty ease your problems and grant you happiness. Āmeen.

And Allah Ta’ālā Knows Best
Masihullah Bhaiyat

Concurred by: Hanif Yusuf

Posted in Aadaab (Ettiquettes & Manners)MiscelleaneousDaily MattersSocial Conduct on 18th Apr 2022 by Our Imam | 317 Views