My husband takes drugs and I can`t say anything to him. What should I do?
I want to ask advice for being newly married and finding out my husband is into drugs. Shaikh, I am heartbroken. I come from a well-respected home in our community and just got married few months ago and I found out my husband smokes and takes drugs. He goes out late at night with friends and comes home in a different state. I know he is on drugs because I saw few messages on his phone to his friends. I am scared to tell him anything, and don`t know how and when to approach him on this and ask him, so what is your advice? I already don`t feel like living with him anymore, because of his taking drugs. If he does not want to change, which I`m preety sure is inevitable, can I ask for a divorce? I am stuck here and scared to say anything to him. Please advise.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Sister in Islam,
Verily, transparency, openness, trust and bilateral communication are key ingredients to a successful marriage. The husband and wife ought to exhort all mediums to maintain wedlock with mutual love, understanding and happiness. Both spouses are a mirror for each other. They should not desert and abandon each other but assist each other in diagnosing their shortcomings and working towards obliterating the bad habits and shortcomings.
You are a mirror for your husband. Talk to your husband with love and concern. Be bold and express your sentiments. He requires your help in making him understand the commitment a married couple must adhere to and in distancing him from the addictive disease of abuse of drugs. As a general principle, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:
قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: انصر أخاك ظالما أو مظلوما فقال رجل: أنصره إذا كان مظلوما أفرأيت إذا كان ظالما كيف أنصره؟ قال: تحجزه أو تمنعه من الظلم فإنّ ذلك نصره
Translation: Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or he is an oppressed one. A man asked, “It is all right to help him if he is oppressed, but how should we help him if he is an oppressor?” The Prophet said, “By preventing him from oppressing others.”
Drug abuse is a sinful act and you will be greatly rewarded in helping him to live a life free of drugs. Encourage your husband with virtues of maintaining a lifestyle of openness and pure living, and explain to him that the value and quality of your marital bliss demands that he should not consume drugs as this is creating insecurity and mistrust between you.
We understand the stress and grief you may be experiencing. The fact that you may have to deal with the careless attitude and misdemeanours of your husband could be a test from Allah. Allah Ta`ala mentions in the Qur`an:
وَلَنَبْلُوَنَّكُمْ بِشَيْءٍ مِّنَ الْخَوفْ وَالْجُوعِ وَنَقْصٍ مِّنَ الأَمَوَالِ وَالأنفُسِ وَالثَّمَرَاتِ وَبَشِّرِ الصَّابِرِينَ
Translation: And surely We shall try you with something of fear and hunger, and loss of wealth and lives and crops; but give glad tidings to the steadfast.
إِنَّمَا أَمْوَالُكُمْ وَأَوْلَادُكُمْ فِتْنَةٌ وَاللَّهُ عِندَهُ أَجْرٌ عَظِيمٌ
Translation: Your riches and your children are but a trial. As for Allah, with Him is a great reward.
You should try your best to address the issues of concern instead of resolving to demand a divorce. There are various methods you could adopt:
- Speak to your husband and open your heart to him;
- Alternatively, express your sentiments to an elderly reputable person who may enjoy some influence over him and thus explain to him kindly;
- Contact a local reliable scholar or the Imam who he could confide in to overcome his difficulty;
- Create an environment which propels everyone to live a life of Allah consciousness. Conduct daily recitation of books such as Fadha`il-e-A`mal of Shaikh Muhammad Zakariya Khandalwi and of other pious predecessors within the home. You may also switch on speeches of our great Ulema which may help your husband in redirecting his course of life to the pleasure of Allah;
- Encourage your husband to join educational programmes, attend the masjid and spend time with scholars and religious members of the community
- Express your love to your husband and extend gifts
- Make supplication to remove restlessness and grief. Anas ibn Malik (May Allah be pleased with him) narrates that whenever Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) was overcame with any restlessness or sorrow he would read the supplication:
يا حيّ يا قيّوم، برحمتك أستغيث
Transliteration: ‘Yaa Hayy, Yaa Qayyoom, birahmatika astagheeth’.
Translation: O Ever-Living One, O Everlasting One, by Your mercy I seek help
Be positive in your approach. Allah Ta’ala has granted you the most beautiful asset, the beautiful gift of Imaan and also the gift of marriage. It would be better for you maintain wedlock and assist your husband in abandoning the wrong ways and live a life of purity.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Hanif Yusuf Patel
Student Darul Iftaa
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
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