Divorce & Ex-Husband’s Residence
Is it acceptable for me and my daughter to be unwilling forced to go to my ex’s residence?
I am a divorced female. My ex-husband currently has an interim court order stating that one of three 2 hour visits take place at his house. He intended removing our 16 month old daughter from her primary residence, despite having absolutely no relationship with her as he left prior to her birth and ignoring the fact that she is currently breastfed. Due to the intensity of the problems prior to and after her birth, our daughter now suffers from separation anxiety and cannot stay away from me even for the shortest of periods. He brought in a social worker, who after observing how our daughter acts when she is separated from me, opposed her initial suggestions which were based on what my ex had told her. She now insists that I be present during the visits after she witnessed my ex allowing our child to cry for 45 minutes, without feeling any compassion and refusing me to comfort her. As a result of the visits, our daughter develops a fever and diarrhoea after every visit. She also cries throughout the night.
My ex husband also insists that I pay half towards our daughter’s expenses, even though I am a stay home mum. Therefore they force this responsibility onto my father who contributes more than double than what he pays. He also did not maintain me during iddat.
I would like advice on the following:
- a) Our daughter’s rights as a child in Islam; what can be done to ensure that she is not tormented emotionally as this is obviously going to impact gravely on her psychological health and well-being as she grows up
- b) Is it acceptable to be forced to go to my ex’s residence?
He has uttered all 3 talaaqs
Even though his father is mahram to me, he looked at me in a totally un-Islamic manner while I was married and passed a sexual remark
My ex does not keep a fair distance away from me
Our daughter refuses to enter their residence and if forced to, cries till I step out with her resulting in visitation taking place on their doorstep.
Your advice would be appreciated
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
It is most unfortunate that the dispute had to be referred to the court. While we regret the unfortunate circumstances explained by you, we do not see any benefit in issuing a fatwa especially without knowing the background of the dispute and the events that led to it. It would have been ideal for the disputing parties to have sought guidance from the Ulema and resolve the issues according to Shari`ah.
At this stage, our advice is, be patient. Make Sabr. Allah Ta`ala says:
Verily, Allah is with the patient ones.
Resort to Dua and Tawakkul (trust in Allah). Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:
Dua is a weapon of the believer, and the pillar of faith and the light of the heavens and the earth.
Allah Ta`ala says:
و من يتق الله يجعل له مخرجا . و يرزقه من حيث لا يحتسب ، ومن يتوكّل على الله فهو حسبه ، إنّ الله بالغ أمره ، قد جعل الله لكل شيئ قدرا.
Translation: Whoever [adopts piety and] fears Allah, He (Allah) will make a way out for him, and provide him with sustenance from where he did not expect; and whoever places his trust in Allah, then Allah is sufficient for him. Verily, Allah will accomplish His command; verily Allah has set a proper measure for all things.
It will be useful to seek the guidance of someone you have confidence in and who is balance-minded and prudent. In such situations, it is possible your emotions may cloud your fair judgement and lead you to perpetrate something wrong which will be detrimental to you.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Hanif Yusuf Patel
Student Darul Iftaa
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
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